i was awakened by the loud beeping of my phone. i looked at the message. it was my friend, gia, asking if i was already awake. oh, well,... yes i am now, after that beeping. it was just 9a. i decided to close my eyes for a few more minutes before replying.

then i heard a strange sound -- like a high-pitched buzzing -- and it seemed to be coming from my head. i opened my eyes. the sound is still there. but, at least, it's not coming from my head anymore.

i checked my phone. nope, it's not ringing. i checked the radio/cd player beside my bed. it's off.

then, i remembered. oh, yeah. the grand prix. so that's how it sounds like when you're not watching it from the tv but is just about a 30-minute walk from the site.

and, yeah, that explains why the tram i was riding to home was crammed with tall, slim, and tan people who were speaking in a tongue i couldn't understand. (no, i don't think they were talking greek. must be some other european language.) and why there was still a lot of traffic when i got home around 11pm when there would normally be just 1 or 2 cars passing by.

they said that the f1 grand prix is getting boring and that audiences are down worldwide, because michael schumacher always wins anyway. but still... that high-pitched buzz sounds exciting.

what was it they said i should bring? comfy shoes, sunscreen, big hat, earplugs. yes, earplugs. definitely.

let me see... okey, here's a pic courtesy of my darling husband (who said that he might like me bald!).

not so bad, i think.

although, i suppose, this looks better than what the real thing will be... just in case. for one, i don't think it will be that smooth. and i don't think my head is shaped that way.

most people i've asked actually advised against shaving. when i told my former team lead that i have been seriously considering it since a month ago, he said: "seriously reconsider. it's a bad look".

well... i'm not really that concerned about the look. i've already tried different looks. the only look that i don't really like is the harrassed-and-tired which is what i often get at the end of the day, anyway, regardless of the hairstyle.

i'm not concerned about the look. *snicker* i'm just concerned that since my hair is thinning, it won't be a nice even shave. and that, the style will show my pimples which have been hiding in my head because they won't dare show in my face. and that i should lose weight to get a nice oval-shaped face that will go with the shaved head, and that i should have earrings which are big but not too big, and that the clothes that i will buy should have a clean, sharp look... so hmm...

and so, like my husband said, he has a feeling that i will just end up coloring my hair. and he does know me too well, sometimes.

this is the challenge across Australia on March 14 & 15: the World's Greatest Shave for a Cure! shave or color your hair to raise funds for the Leukemia Foundation!

our company -- well, the Melbourne branch of the company -- will be holding it's version on march 14 right after the branch meeting in one of the demo rooms. those who want to watch the shaving being done will have to pay a gold coin (an australian dollar) to enter the room.

i've registered but...  should i shave? ... or color? ... or shave and color?

i'm thrilled. and scared.

i'd welcome any donations from you (will you donate more if i shave or if i color)?

would also welcome any fashion advice. hahaha!

if my mom was alive, she'd be 60 years old today. a lot of the woman that i am now is because of the woman that she was. i still miss her. and this is still the only thing i've written about her.

once, when we were in a playful mood, my husband told me:"you know what? you are sooo sexy. and the amazing thing is, it's not obvious!!!"

hm... honestly, i didn't know if i should take that as a compliment. just not too obvious, huh.

do i  now have to accept shopping as a necessary part of life?

i can't believe all the time i've spent looking for appliances and bric-a-bracs to make me comfortable in my place. that's time spent away from reading and chatting and walking in the park or spending a quiet time in a place with food and music and good company.

and just when i thought i'll be done with shopping by next week, i realized that i now have to start shopping for new clothes because it's getting colder again, and  not only are my clothes not fit for the colder weather, they're also not fit for this year anymore. come to think of it, since we wear casual clothes in the office, my favorite top has been the shirt we bought for $1 in catarman last year. i definitely need a change of wardrobe.

plus, makeup in the right fall pallette to go with it.

and new footwear..?

i miss my sisters. they know me so well and are so good at shopping that they make it almost effortless for me.

talk about knowing that you've had a good thing only when you start missing it.

can't wait to go home. just 1 month and 9 days more to go!

sometimes, what i am is not in what i say but in what i don't say.
some things are too painful to even think of and some things are too beautiful for words.

a few weeks ago, i had wanted to blog about how safe i feel in melbourne, how refreshingly different it is from manila because, here, i don't have to constantly worry if my wallet is still in my bag (or if i still have a bag!), or if i'm holding my cellphone tightly enough so that it can't be snatched.

how can i forget valentine's last year?

i remember rushing to megamall at 630pm to meet teena. and i was so excited because i had a beautiful arrangement of a dozen yellow roses for her. no, it wasn't from me but from perze. perze had asked me to buy it for teena. it was mine and perze's secret and i couldn't wait to see teena's reaction when she sees it. i was just so thrilled! hahaha!

and i was right! she was so surprised when i handed her the roses. i really can't describe her reaction.

but then again, i also couldn't describe my reaction when she handed me a single red long-stemmed rose. it was from eric.i went hot. then cold. and red and hot.

and i didn't want to read the note that went with it.

because a dozen yellow roses can symbolize friendship. but a single red long-stemmed rose? ugh! what else could be so obviously romantic? not that i dislike male attention. but that kind of attention?? nope, i'm not ready for it and don't want it. and from a guy that i haven't met and i've only started chatting 3 weeks before?? i don't even know how he looks like. it's crazy... crazy, crazy, crazy. he is crazy.

or was crazy. cause look where we are now -- 50 roses and a year later? 

oh, well. craziness must be contagious. but it can make you very happy.

Our Story, My View

in his comment to my previous blog, eric told me to blog about our first chat and my reaction to him! but, i think, i'd rather tell the whole story. our story, from my point of view. (and eric says he has two websites where he can make rebuttals on.)

The End

let's start from the very beginning, which i think, started at the end of my relationship with ian, a guy i was supposed to marry last march.

anyway, to cut things short, ian broke up with me in oct 2001. that was one of the most painful experiences i've had, since he was, at that time, the most important person in my life.

on the night when we broke up, i remembered praying:"Father, if this is Your will, I humbly submit myself to it". easy to say, but, at the back of my mind and deep inside me, i was still holding on. i couldn't believe that it has ended, not when we've spent almost 6 years together and was about to get married.

so i still prayed that maybe, one time, we can still get back together. one night, while praying, i received the message for me to "keep the friendship". eww. i knew what that meant. it meant that i should forget ian as anyone other than a friend. i knew that i should do it, but i still tried to find a way around it.

so, sometime mid-november 2001, i asked SIRJO (who is a very spiritually-gifted person and and is the teacher and head of our group, Divine Revelations Foundation) to confirm the message for me.

and he said: "yes, he is not the one for you, and you have actually been given hints about that as early as 2 years ago, but you refused to listen."

i said:"but can't i pray for that? and ask God for that?"

he said:"you are given the freedom to follow your will. as an advice, do not do anything for 1 month. do not call, do not see him, do not make any contact. we'll take it from there. who knows, there might be a gift for you".

(to be continued...)